When a man enters recovery after betraying his spouse, most people assume the primary emotion will be shame. And yes, shame is usually there. But underneath it, often tangled up in it, is something men don’t expect: Grief. That word alone can feel misplaced. “I’m the one who caused the damage. What right do I have to grieve?” I hear that often. But grief is not reserved for the innocent. Grief is what happens when reality collides with illusion. And in early recovery, reality

For many people, the struggle with pornography raises a confusing and deeply personal question: Is porn addiction real? Some voices claim pornography is simply a bad habit. Others say it’s just a moral or religious issue. But many individuals describe something different. They want to stop, they try to stop, and yet they find themselves returning to pornography again and again. Modern neuroscience has begun exploring this question more seriously. While researchers continue to

If you’re a man in recovery, you’ve probably realized something sobering: sobriety does not automatically equal connection. You can stop acting out. You can attend group. You can install accountability software. And still feel emotionally distant from your wife. That’s because rebuilding intimacy after sexual addiction requires more than behavioral change. It requires relational courage. For many men, especially those who also struggle with intimacy anorexia—the intentional

The revelation of infidelity in a marriage or committed relationship creates an emotional response which makes you feel as though your entire existence has fallen apart. The combination of shock, anger, sadness, confusion and fear creates a state which makes you feel completely drained. The process of healing starts when you discover how to take proper care of your own body during times of complete disorder. People who go through this challenging process need to recognize tha

Men often ask me if there are resources that can help them process through the 12 steps. In addition to 12 step workbooks, this book list was created as a supplement to support that journey, drawing on both clinical wisdom and spiritual insight . This is not meant to be overwhelming or prescriptive, but rather give you varied voices of trusted mentors that can walk alongside you through the 12-step process. The first book I encourage men to pick up as they start a 12 step re

When sexual betrayal or infidelity shatters your relationship, the ground beneath you can feel like it’s been ripped away. Betrayed partners often describe feeling lost, disoriented, and unsure of how to move forward. You may be wrestling with shock, grief, anger, and confusion, all while wondering if you’ll ever feel whole again. Even if friends and family care about you, they often don’t understand the depth of betrayal trauma . That’s why a betrayed partner support group

Recovery isn’t about being perfect; it’s about becoming skillful. Skill comes from practice, and practice gets better when you study it. That’s why I often tell clients: be a scientist about your addiction. Don’t just white-knuckle and hope. Observe, measure, test, and learn. Scientists don’t shame data; they use it. You can, too. Think about your GPS. When you make a wrong turn, it doesn’t yell, “You idiot!” It calmly says, “Recalculating,” and shows you the next best rout

I’ve spent many hours alongside men wrestling with unwanted sexual behaviors and walked alongside their spouses who’ve felt the heartbreak of betrayal. In hundreds of coaching sessions and support groups, one truth rings out: willpower alone isn’t enough when our devices are gateways to temptation . Countless hours of research into porn blocker software and accountability apps have shown me that without robust digital safeguards, even the most determined recovery plan can c

I’ve sat across from a lot of men who want to change, who want to get free from the grip of sexual addiction. And almost every one of...

The reality is that addiction is not simply a matter of willpower; it’s a complex interplay of neurobiology, trauma, and learned behaviors. When the shadow self is in control, rational thought and healthy decision-making are often sidelined.....

The holiday season brings some challenges to sobriety for the sex addict. Changes in routine and schedule create opportunity for acting out that may not currently be accounted for in the recovering persons sobriety plan. Family gatherings may bring about emotional triggers that one does not normally have to deal with...

In the course of my work, I hear men say all the time that they no longer watch pornography, but in my time with them, I can tell their minds are still clouded. One of the issues that I see is that men don’t know how to define pornography. Pornography can be anything you want it to be. That’s why it’s important to define what pornography is in relation to sobriety...

It’s very easy to start recovery as if you’re looking up from the bottom of Mt. Everest. It seems like sobriety is a mountain that you have to climb and conquer. If your mountaintop experience is being sober, you’ll likely never have the motivation to continue your recovery. By pursuing the very thing that you desire, you’ll lose it...

You’re not going to tackle this addiction unless you admit that it is a real issue.  Real problems need real solutions.  That means a willingness to do whatever is necessary to solve the problem...

As an expert recovery coach, I've witnessed firsthand the challenges that individuals with sexual addiction face on their journey toward...

Welcome to the final installment in our series on the 12 Crucial Words of Sex Addiction Recovery. As an expert recovery coach, my...

Welcome back to our series on the 12 Crucial Words of Sex Addiction Recovery. As an expert recovery coach, my commitment is to guide you...

The Enduring Journey: Continuing Personal Inventory in Sex Addiction Recovery Welcome to our series on the 12 Crucial Words of Sex...

Welcome to our series on the 12 Crucial Words of Sex Addiction Recovery. As an expert recovery coach, my goal is to guide you through the...

Welcome to the next installment in our series on the 12 Crucial Words of Sex Addiction Recovery. As an expert recovery coach, my mission...