Porn is the addiction that no one wants to deal with. It gets far less attention than Alcohol or Drug use does. People refer to porn use as a habit, not an addiction. No one would refer to an alcoholic as someone with an alcohol habit. Quitting porn is a challenge many cannot do on their own.
Slowly and silently, people are realizing that porn is ruining their life. Porn affects your ability to have deep and meaningful relationships. Porn creates emotional distance between you and those you love. Porn changes the way that you see people. Porn creates a fantasy world where you treat people as objects who do whatever you want them to. This fantasy world soon becomes your reality, and you start to treat everyone as an object who is just around to serve and please you. Porn is hurting your partner. If you have a porn habit, your partner is wondering why he or she doesn’t measure up. “Why am I not enough?” is the mantra I hear over and over from hurting partners of those struggling with pornography addiction.
If you see these negative results of regularly viewing pornography and are yearning for a new direction with freedom from porn addiction in 2024, these 5 Steps are Crucial:
1. Admit the Problem
You’re not going to tackle this addiction unless you admit that it is a real issue. Real problems need real solutions. That means a willingness to do whatever is necessary to solve the problem.
2. Create Boundaries and Consequences
Your Boundaries: Don’t look at porn. Don’t masturbate. Create secondary boundaries around those boundaries. Maybe something like, "Don’t bring my phone into the bathroom or install software like CovenantEyes on all devices." Maybe it’s more severe: "Cancel my internet subscription at home or switch to a flip phone." Then, set up consequences for yourself if you break a boundary. Do you hate spicy food? Try, “If I take my phone in the bathroom, I will eat a jalapeño pepper.” Do you love gaming? Try, “If I use a device without monitoring software, I will give up gaming for a week.” Subsequent violations of your boundaries should bring more severe consequences.
3. Get Honest & Accountable
Find safe people to talk about your problem with. This may be difficult. Porn has a tendency to bring shame and isolate you from others. You’re going to have to drop the facade of perfection. Tell someone about your struggles. Maybe this can be your spouse or best friend; maybe you need to join a local support group of people in the same situation. Be honest and vulnerable with them when you break your boundaries. Ask them to hold you accountable to follow through on your consequences.
4. Identify your Triggers
Over time, you’ll start to see patterns in your failures. What are the things that lead you back down the path to pornography? Many times, these triggers are emotional pain agents. These pain agents lead you to medicate your pain with porn because you have trained your body to soothe your pain with this destructive activity. Think of this acronym: H.A.L.T. +B.S. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Bored, Stressed. Those are circumstances typical of many who struggle with porn.
5. Get Introspective
If you’ve been using porn since you were a teen, there is likely some processing work that you need to do in order to evaluate your triggers and pain agents fully. Your mind has been programmed over many years to mask hurtful thoughts and emotions with pornography. You may have trouble identifying any of your feelings at all because any time you experience them, you medicate with porn. As you gain some sobriety from pornography, some of those feelings will rise to the surface. You may remember painful events from your life and start to put two and two together about why you walked down the porn pathway in the first place. Don’t be afraid to explore these areas. Make sure you have people to talk to about this.
Do these five steps seem overwhelming to you? Do you need some help getting started? I’m a certified Recovery Coach through the American Association of Sex Addiction Therapy. I’ve seen people find freedom from all kinds of sexual addictions that were destroying their lives. Make 2024 a porn-free year. Let me help you gain your footing and start making the journey towards freedom.
Schedule a free consultation or visit my website for more information.
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